Millard Fillmore Help Topics for October

As the next Millard Fillmore trip approches (less than 4 months) I started thinking, how could the Brewhaha help Suds members? The result of that thinking is the Millard Fillmore Help Topics. Each month I will bring you some sort of assistance to improve and extend your Millard Fillmore weekend.

The Out of Office Assistant

We will all come up with a way to get out of the office early that Friday afternoon. It seems necessary to include a great out of office reply so that our coworkers, customers, suppliers and what-have-you all know that we are not getting back to them till Monday. Or perhaps Tuesday! (as usual I have stolen the following, this time from an anonymous source)

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

I've run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'